LOVE OF BEING.

back to the lawn in the almost warm oregon sun.

i exited from the building trying not to to scare incidental hangers-out with the facial evidence of my 'news' - and headed straight to the nearby grassy spot.  i felt it pressing in on my existence - down from the blackness of space and up from the blackness of the earth. and out from the blackness behind my eyelids.  i saw the gleaming amber arc of of my familiar part of this spherical film of a cradle which has provided and held the totality of everything my existence has ever known and felt.  Not so much the earth itself as the luminous glaze of life that rests upon its surface.  felt in the most absolute way my soul's love of living within this particular luminous orb-jewel of a home careening motionless though an ocean of blackness.  all of its cruel waste and dead misery - clearly just a footnote to the gift of existing here.  i felt most acutely the anguish of my soul's objection to the prospect of being cut loose/ booted out from it.   with a depth that i knew most humans - myself included - cannot withstand for very long at all, i saw the pain of my love of being [here].